Restoring the sexually fallen teen: Killer AccountabilityPosted: April 19, 2010
So the sexually fallen student in your ministry is ready to ante up and kick their sexual sin in the pants. Setting up killer accountability in their life is key if you want to help them overcome. Without accountability no teen will overcome any of the negative patterns in their life. The reason why is that most students don’t mind failing as long as no one else finds out about it. Setting up killer accountability forces the student to face themselves and overcome the self that must be crucified daily.
Here is one accountability structure that you can use to empower your student and set them in the John 10:10 direction for their life.
1.) Pair them with a mature student of the same gender: The student you select has got to be a ROCK STAR spiritually. If you don’t have any solid students in your student ministry then start making some! (An adult leader can also be the accountability partner if no student is able to help). Ask the mature student if they are willing to help another student in your ministry grow through accountability.The mature student should already get along with the student needing accountability, or is warm enough socially to work well with the student needing accountability. This will help both students stick to it when they feel like the accountability is “forced”.
Note: Explain everything up front to the mature student and give them a job description (yes I am serious). Only disclose the identity of the student needing accountability if the mature student is willing to step up. You should have done your homework before this meeting to see if there was an even remote possibility of good chemistry between the students.
2.) Have a dream session: The student needing accountability, the mature student and you should meet. Make sure you clearly explain your expectations and your dreams for each of the students involved in the accountability. This will validate the process and will encourage both students to do their very best. At this meeting you need to provide a covenant that both students will sign. Click on this Accountability Covenant to see what I have used in the past. Make a copy of both signed covenants for your records and give the originals back to them.
Note: The more excited you are about this process, the more they will be. Cast the vision for what life could look like on the other side of this relationship for both students. Also, don’t forget to close in prayer and invite God into this process!
3.) Check in with the mature student monthly: You have asked a student to do something very hard: Hold another peer accountable. Make sure you are always available to them to help them navigate any frustrating issues they are facing. It is very important that you are encouraging and come ready with solutions to any problems the accountability relationship is experiencing. If you don’t have an answer right then and there, you owe it to your mature student to find it (Really, really fast).
4.) Have a Results Meeting: The second meeting between all three of you should take place at the end of the pre-determined duration. I use three months as a base-line because it isn’t intimidatingly long. At this meeting you will want to find out how the student needing the accountability has grown. Do not accept “I kinda grew” as an answer. Find out if they stopped looking at porn, going too far with their boyfriend, etc… The purpose of accountability is to yield results. Some growth is better than no growth. Remember that growth must be quantified to be celebrated.
Note: The point of this meeting is to find out the great things that happened during the accountability. It should feel a bit like a homecoming pep-rally. No, you do not have to wear a cheerleader outfit.
Before the meeting ends find out if both students are interested in continuing the accountability. Depending on what you are sensing you may want to make it mandatory for the student serving on a ministry team.
Give it a try. What are you waiting for? You’ve got ground to gain and moments to seize. You will definitely learn how not to set up accountability in the life of a student by making some mistakes. But it will be worth it because you will have told a student, your student, that you believe in them enough to invest into their future by helping them set up Killer Accountability in their life.
Stop back soon to check out my new blog series on how to transition well in Youth Ministry.